LAUGHTER

Back to before I found out about my rejection from Stanford regarding transplantation I was thinking through the questions I might be asked during a transplant evaluation.  One of the questions that they ask is what you are most looking forward to doing after you receive your new lungs.  At first I thought it might be running, I think this is a common answer.  Running makes you feel powerful, running is a release of stress, running is an escape and a challenge, running makes you feel free.  The idea is ridiculous, let’s be honest. I don’t remember what it feels like to have powerful lungs, but I am pretty sure that regardless, running is not what I am looking forward to the most if I get new lungs.  For those of you that know me I am extremely ungraceful when it comes to anything athletic.

I discovered that my absolute favorite thing to do is laugh.  Laughter is contagious, it brings joy, it is honestly the best medicine, and nothing in the world is more beautiful than true laughter.  Not polite laughter, not this is kind of funny laughter, but throw your head back laugh until your stomach hurts, the laughter that puts the smile on your face you can’t hold back no matter how much your cheeks hurt kind of laughter, that is my favorite feeling/place/thing in the entire world. 

The greatest joy about laughter is that you can experience it anywhere.  But, sometimes the ability to laugh from the heart is impossible when the heart is caught in the throws of tragedy.  What I hate is when I can’t find my laugh because that is when I can’t find me.  Amongst it all I sometimes still lose sight of me.  Not me in the physical, but me in spirit, the me that I am in Christ, the me that I love. When I am sick and my lung function is in the 20’s, I lose my laugh.  I suppress it because it hurts; the muscles in my chest ache and my lungs cant handle it.  Laughing leads to coughing which only increases the pain.

When I came to realization that my CF took away the one thing that I loved the most, I knew that would be the thing I was looking forward to the most.  If I got new lungs, the thing that I would never take for granted again would be my laugh.  But, then God did something amazing!  My lung function improved to 51% and as of a week and a half ago, my laugh came back!  It doesn’t hurt, it doesn’t make me cough, my laugh is restored to what it is supposed to be.  Maybe my laugh isn’t perfect to you, perhaps it is too loud, maybe I laugh too long, maybe I laugh at inappropriate times, maybe I find myself funnier than I am, but I don’t care.  I will laugh too loud, I will laugh too long, and I will laugh easily. 

“I love people who make me laugh.  I honestly think it’s the thing I like most, to laugh.  It cures a multitude of ills.  It’s probably the most important thing in a person.”  - Audrey Hepburn