The Power of Your Prayers

Getting back into blogging might be causing my classes to take a hit, but I can’t help it, talking about how amazing God is and what He is doing in my life is so much more exciting than my coursework! Oh how I wish you could be in my mind right now and understand everything the Lord is doing in my heart.  I am so encouraged and it is because of you!  Yes, you. 

Prayer works and God has heard yours.  Thank you so much for calling out to Him on my behalf.  I have been so blessed to hear and see first hand so many people who are praying for me. 

I had a friend tell me that on Tuesday AIR 1 called asking her if she knew anyone that needed prayer and they added me to their prayer chain.  I started responding to treatment on Wednesday.  Not a coincidence. Friends have shared my blog posts and asked their churches to be praying for me.  I have received messages from so many of you sharing your support.  It is amazing the power that words hold.  A simple text at the right time can make all the difference between having the best day and the worst day. 

I cannot believe that I have been here almost 7 days, but at the same time, these last few have gone by and so much has happened that I am almost in shock of just how swiftly God hears and answers prayers. 

Monday I received the news that I was already dreading.  I knew I was rejecting my transplant, but I didn’t want to know just how severe it was.  When the doctor comes in and one of the first things they tell you is, this could be it.  Your liver could just have given up; it can only take so much.  Its strange, the first feeling I had was acceptance, maybe even relief, and there was some slight shock.  I didn’t realize just how quickly it could all end.  I know that my body is delicate, but my track record shows that God has made me a fighter.  The realization that my whole life could change in the matter of 5 days was a humble reminder of how out of control of my circumstances I am. 

When the final results rang in and they reported that my liver is showing signs of chronic rejection, acute rejection, and possibly even an autoimmune hepatitis, it was an answer to prayer.  Who prays for rejection?  This girl right here! At first it felt funny to thank God for answering my prayers.  I would have taken complete healing, but I did still get what I asked for. 

Monday night I started having trouble breathing and my heart rate sky rocketed to a resting rate of 160.  My dad and I had gone for a walk that afternoon and I had to stop at one point because my chest hurt and I couldn’t catch my breath.  I waited out through the afternoon hoping my heart would calm down and that it was just a sign of over exhaustion, but it didn’t stop.  I began to get chills and then started struggling to breathe.  My blood pressure dropped and a fever of 102 spiked.  It wasn’t long until the on-call had me moving to the ICU.  It all felt like an overreaction, but sometimes you just can’t fight the doctor’s recommendations. 

Not only was I not feeling well, it appeared my situation was becoming worse.  Now on top of the rejection and the pulmonary infection they were worried I had contracted something else.  The source of this new infection could have been anywhere. My body had also not responded to the first round of treatment with steroids for my rejection.  

Soon the word was out and prayers were being said on my behalf.  Within the next 24 hours there was a complete turn around.  My heart rate came down, the fever broke and never returned, and my body started responding to the steroids.  I know that this was not a matter of medicine healing me; God had His hand in it. 

As you know, after I got sent to the ICU I had quite the time getting out of there.  In a sense it was a frustration.  Then I realized, the reason I was in there was because there were no empty beds and it wasn’t just me who was being inconvenienced. The realization hit me, there are so many people who are sick, so many people who need prayer, so many people who are hurting, and I have been blessed with the support and love from you. 

I guess what I am saying is that we all have struggles, we all have hurt, we all have pain, and we all have the same God who loves us.  Watching Him intercede on my behalf, bringing wisdom amongst the chaos, peace amongst the unknown, and the joy amongst the broken dreams, that same God, He isn’t just interceding on my behalf, He is there for you too.  This same God who is healing me has the power to heal the world.  Satan often tries to use the circumstances of our sinful world to hurt us and cause us to turn our back on God, feeding us lies that He doesn’t exist and He doesn’t love us as He has claimed, but the truth is, God is the creator of all good things and He wants nothing more for us.

March 15 Changed My Life

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Today is a very special day. Every year this day marks another year of my life that I would not have had if a 10 year old boy named Cody had not told his mother that he wanted to be an Organ Donor.                         Cody’s mom had come in to find him in tears in front of the TV and asked him what was wrong. He explained to her that these kids were dying because they weren’t able to receive the transplants they needed to survive. He asked that if anything ever happened to him, would she donate his organs?                         2 weeks later Cody was hit by a car while walking home from school.                        On that same day I got the call that saved my life. The surgeon himself said that Cody’s liver was meant for me. It was a perfect match in every way.                         The progression of my liver disease occurred over such a long period of time that I hadn’t realized just how sick I was. It was the simplest things that brought so much joy after my transplant. My eyes were white, I could reach the handles at the sink because my stomach was flat, I wasn’t tired all the time, and my hair had life! It held a shine and it was so soft. Not only was I happy, but so was my body and it was showing.                         When I look over the past 8 years I remember a lot of pain, complications, heartache, and fear… but that’s not all. I see 8 years of memories, stories, and experiences I never dreamed of having. There are monumental moments, High School graduation, well on my way to obtaining college degree, discovering God's calling in my life, I have the luxury of dreaming about the future. No longer is it about God just bringing me to the next day, it is about where He is going to take me years down the road. I have had to learn to live for today and plan for tomorrow. Dreams that I used to be afraid to chase are now things I have confidence I will accomplish.                         Life expectancy predictions are something I have had to learn to look past because already God has proven that His timing is all that matters.                         It feels ironic that I would be experiencing and facing rejection of my transplant on this day 8 years down the road. I am constantly faced with the reminder that just because I got a new liver, it didn’t fix this disease. My new liver has been under attack and been through a lot and sometimes I wonder if I didn’t get the right one. Then I remember the story of how God completely hand selected Cody’s liver for me. I may have had complications, but they led to instances in my life where God’s glory was revealed.                         Last night I had a thought… I am not sure why it hadn’t come to me before then… Will I see Cody in Heaven? Someday when I get there will he be waiting for me? Could I possibly have the chance to thank him personally for helping save my life? He lost his life at the age of 10 to save my life at the age of 14. I had already had more life than him, so why me? Why him? I don’t know the answer, but I do know that I am extremely grateful for him speaking up about being an organ donor.                         To those of you who are already donors, thank you. I know that talking about death is not easy and for some it’s scary or morbid, but when you choose to be an organ donor you are able to leave one last gift to the world. You won’t need your organs and think, the very last thing you will have done on this earth is save lives. What better way could you imagine entering Heaven?

Call Me a Dreamer, but Really I am Just a Believer

Sometimes the enemy creeps into the crevices of my mind.

He deceives me with lies and places scales over my eyes.

Trying to harden my heart, he pulls me apart

From the flock of believers and friends.

Stealing my hope and my joy, I fall to his ploy.

He twists my passions and he encourages my lack of actions

Telling me that compassion has made me weak and I’m overreacting,

My emotions are the destruction of falling to menial unsatisfaction

Satan tells me that my dreams are unattractive

and that I can’t achieve them,

But I need to be reminded of the Dreamer who inspired them.

God has called me His daughter and yet I forget to call upon Him.

His plans are bigger than the box within my mind.

It is time for me to stop watching my life in rewind. 

It isn’t about pattern or consistency,

Because God is who holds the plans for me.

Logic only gets in my way to follow Him obediently.

Its Always the Bigger Things in Life That Seem to Choose You

Its funny how when I get sick all of a sudden I get a sense of urgency to live my life, like somehow the whole time before I wasn’t. Looking back though I know that isn’t true. So where do these feelings come from? The feelings of dissatisfaction with my life? Is it dissatisfaction or is it a desire, a longing for something more, something better, something I can never accomplish here? Are these feelings pushing me on to fight? Are they a defense that comes to my aid to get me through what the world has placed in front of me? Are they reminders of bigger callings God has on my life than the limitations the world of medicine wants to tell me I have? 

It’s all of those things. 

“I would not be here tonight if I had to choose
Its always the bigger things in life that seem to choose you
You can say what you want
Believe what you will believe
But i will take what I want 
And see what I need to see”
-Everything Is Beautiful

People often tell me I am a fighter, that I am tough, or I am the most courageous person they know. I appreciate their admiration of me, but its not anything that is of me that has made me that person they see. I used to think I was a fighter because it was the only option I had, but that’s not true, I could have always given up, I could have given in at any time and believe me, there have been times I have questioned it. Maybe its like Mother Teresa said, God gave me this life because I could handle it, I believe it will never be more than I can handle, but I wonder sometimes why it has to be just soo hard. I tease that I like to see just how sick I can get before I can get better, but really I think God takes me just to the point that His power will be the most vastly revealed. 

In 22 years of my life God has shaped and molded me, He has chipped away at my sinful ways and He has watched me break, stepping in every time to put me back together. He is still teaching me new things every day through every situation, the good, the bad, and the unimaginably hard. One of those lessons is knowing when and what to share with those who pray for me and care for me. 

I know that God will heal me. He will in His own way. I don't know what that is but I'm not worried. The good news is that I don't feel terrible despite how sick I am. God still has me smiling and I have a light heart. I will get through it. I know how close God allows me to get to the end sometimes. I'm not brave, I'm not perfect or courageous, but I have a God who instills those virtues in me as weapons to use against this disease. Satan will not have a hold on my life in this way. I know God loves me and has plans for me and I'm not done here. I know that I am not walking this alone and that He will carry me through this. It is not about finding the strength to fight, it is about knowing that my God has already won and that I just need to lay my life at His feet. He will give me the strength to do the rest He wants me to do. 

I know a lot of people are praying and that brings comfort. I'm not worried though and I don't want others to be for me, but to see God's power at its finest they need to know how serious the situation is. Please know that my updates are not a search for pity, they are an invitation to walk along side me and lift me up in prayer so that when God's glory is revealed, you will see it too! You will have been a part of that story.