You Are Loved

You are loved.  You can’t escape love; you can’t outrun love, despite how broken and bitter you feel, you will always be loved.  The God of the universe loves you so much He sent His only son to die so you could live.  The God of the universe loves you right where you are.  Despite what you have done, despite what you are doing, He loves you.  No strings attached.  There is nothing you can do to make him love you more and there is nothing you can do to make him love you less.  He created the heavens and the earth and everything in between.  He created you!  He created you with a specific plan.  People have 5-year plans, 10 year plans, God has an eternal plan.  If you choose to follow that plan your life will always have purpose.  If you follow His plan you cannot fail.  If you follow his plan you will be satisfied. Stop trying to do it on you own.  You alone will fail.  Surrender to the one who loves you when no one else will.  His love has proven to desire what’s best for you.  It is safe to trust Him.  Don’t be afraid to love the one who loves you.  

Down the Path of Pain

I wish my heart rested more soundly

With my foundation in you

Instead it beats rapidly trying to save me

I’m drowning in the flood of my tears

I’m calling your name

Knowing you’re already here

It feels almost too late,

I’ve given into fear

When do I accept my fate

Placing my life in your hands

You guide me straight

Down the path of pain,

But my burdens you’ve claimed

My scars are reminders of what I’ve gained

Strength, courage, and virtues of faith

My God you saved me

From my own destruction

Treacherous were my ways,

Death my fate, but your death

Took my sin away

Your resurrection the promise of an eternal life

Free from suffering

May my body be a vessel for your 

Glory alone, not my own

Though my body may fail me

You never will

This pain, you’ve felt

This struggle, you’ve overcome

This diagnosis, you’ve cured

This sinner you love

This daughter you’ve claimed

No longer do the chains of circumstance determine my fate

For you God alone have numbered my days

So I Ask

I pray everyday for healing

I’m still here so I know there’s meaning

Would it be easier if you revealed it to me?

When you see me broken it breaks your heart

Please heal me and put me back together part by part

And allow me a healthy brand new start

So I ask

Why do you let me live this way

Every breath I take is a strain

My body is full of aches and pain

Yet you ask me to fight to stay

Who is it that I am fighting for

You, me, my family, or a future

There has to be something more

Blessed by Friends

I have people ask me how I cope.  They say things like wow you seem so happy and okay with everything.  The truth is I am not sure if it is coping or if it is just a front.  Its like my friend Leah said ““Having CF isn’t really a choice, so I just cope because I have to.  There really is no option.” 

You enjoy friends who know how to make you feel taken care of and can laugh at your awkwardly serious comments.  Laughter is sometimes the only thing that can keep you from crying so you try to make light of a situation that is scaring you.  You want people to understand so you make comments in a joking manner and when they laugh with you it is a relief because maybe the situation or the truth isn’t as cruel as it seems. 

Friends that embrace you for who you are and can find ways to graciously take care of you are one of the many blessings that get you through.  As a fighter you hate to ask for help, but it is more than a pride issue.  As someone who is sick all the time you feel like a constant burden and the last thing you want is to draw more attention to yourself.  It’s not that you are oblivious to your dependency; you just hate feeling like all you do is take take take from everyone. 

This last weekend I was blessed to have a group of friends like this.  I have always had people in my life that were gracious and have made a point to pray for me and visit me when I get sick and to check in on me, but to see a group of friends my age do that, it meant the world to me.  I realize that only my other friends with CF understand what I am going through, but this particular setting and group of friends made me feel like they get it.  I felt like they understood me.  I don’t feel good most of the time, but I try my hardest to laugh and have fun and be as normal as I can, but sometimes after you fight for so long you just want someone to acknowledge it.  Not only did they acknowledge it, they made a point to show me that they care and are going to take care of me. 

To that group of friends, Thank You!!