You Are Loved

You are loved.  You can’t escape love; you can’t outrun love, despite how broken and bitter you feel, you will always be loved.  The God of the universe loves you so much He sent His only son to die so you could live.  The God of the universe loves you right where you are.  Despite what you have done, despite what you are doing, He loves you.  No strings attached.  There is nothing you can do to make him love you more and there is nothing you can do to make him love you less.  He created the heavens and the earth and everything in between.  He created you!  He created you with a specific plan.  People have 5-year plans, 10 year plans, God has an eternal plan.  If you choose to follow that plan your life will always have purpose.  If you follow His plan you cannot fail.  If you follow his plan you will be satisfied. Stop trying to do it on you own.  You alone will fail.  Surrender to the one who loves you when no one else will.  His love has proven to desire what’s best for you.  It is safe to trust Him.  Don’t be afraid to love the one who loves you.  

Down the Path of Pain

I wish my heart rested more soundly

With my foundation in you

Instead it beats rapidly trying to save me

I’m drowning in the flood of my tears

I’m calling your name

Knowing you’re already here

It feels almost too late,

I’ve given into fear

When do I accept my fate

Placing my life in your hands

You guide me straight

Down the path of pain,

But my burdens you’ve claimed

My scars are reminders of what I’ve gained

Strength, courage, and virtues of faith

My God you saved me

From my own destruction

Treacherous were my ways,

Death my fate, but your death

Took my sin away

Your resurrection the promise of an eternal life

Free from suffering

May my body be a vessel for your 

Glory alone, not my own

Though my body may fail me

You never will

This pain, you’ve felt

This struggle, you’ve overcome

This diagnosis, you’ve cured

This sinner you love

This daughter you’ve claimed

No longer do the chains of circumstance determine my fate

For you God alone have numbered my days

So I Ask

I pray everyday for healing

I’m still here so I know there’s meaning

Would it be easier if you revealed it to me?

When you see me broken it breaks your heart

Please heal me and put me back together part by part

And allow me a healthy brand new start

So I ask

Why do you let me live this way

Every breath I take is a strain

My body is full of aches and pain

Yet you ask me to fight to stay

Who is it that I am fighting for

You, me, my family, or a future

There has to be something more

Blessed by Friends

I have people ask me how I cope.  They say things like wow you seem so happy and okay with everything.  The truth is I am not sure if it is coping or if it is just a front.  Its like my friend Leah said ““Having CF isn’t really a choice, so I just cope because I have to.  There really is no option.” 

You enjoy friends who know how to make you feel taken care of and can laugh at your awkwardly serious comments.  Laughter is sometimes the only thing that can keep you from crying so you try to make light of a situation that is scaring you.  You want people to understand so you make comments in a joking manner and when they laugh with you it is a relief because maybe the situation or the truth isn’t as cruel as it seems. 

Friends that embrace you for who you are and can find ways to graciously take care of you are one of the many blessings that get you through.  As a fighter you hate to ask for help, but it is more than a pride issue.  As someone who is sick all the time you feel like a constant burden and the last thing you want is to draw more attention to yourself.  It’s not that you are oblivious to your dependency; you just hate feeling like all you do is take take take from everyone. 

This last weekend I was blessed to have a group of friends like this.  I have always had people in my life that were gracious and have made a point to pray for me and visit me when I get sick and to check in on me, but to see a group of friends my age do that, it meant the world to me.  I realize that only my other friends with CF understand what I am going through, but this particular setting and group of friends made me feel like they get it.  I felt like they understood me.  I don’t feel good most of the time, but I try my hardest to laugh and have fun and be as normal as I can, but sometimes after you fight for so long you just want someone to acknowledge it.  Not only did they acknowledge it, they made a point to show me that they care and are going to take care of me. 

To that group of friends, Thank You!!

How Can I Believe in God?

People ask me all the time how I can believe there is a God.  I suppose they expect me to question it because I have Cystic Fibrosis.  How can there be a God that allows you to suffer like that?  The truth is that whether I believe there is a God or not would not change my circumstances.  If I didn’t have my faith then I would be walking through this life the same way as the rest of the world, bitter and broken.  I have never questioned God’s existence.  I know that I have been blessed to suffer for Christ.  Through my suffering His glory can be revealed.  One of my favorite verses is John 9:3 “It was not because of his sins or his parents' sins," Jesus answered. "This happened so the power of God could be seen in him.”  With or without God I suffer, but even though God allows me to feel the pain I also have the hope that the pain won’t be wasted, that the fight is worth it, that I will overcome it, and that despite the worst pain imaginable I will still be filled with Joy! 

So I ask you, why wouldn’t I believe in God?

I Believe It, Do You?

As I was sitting in church last night I began thinking about charismatic faith and what that would look like played out in my life.  I believe in God and I believe in what He can do, but sometimes I am afraid to claim it as boldly as I should.  I have heard it a thousand times, but it was the one thousand and oneth time that it finally hit me.  God doesn’t need me to defend Him.  All He asks is that I believe.  Claim it and believe it and trust Him to do it.  If I truly do that with the most sincerity, I will be healed.  I have been afraid to proclaim that God can and will heal me in fear that if He doesn’t, somehow I would diminish the name of Christ. 

I used to tell myself that God hasn’t healed me because the people around me don’t believe it.  That they wouldn’t know how to accept it.  I thought that I just wasn’t raised in the right church, I didn’t have the right people praying, I need to go to where God is moving.  God is everywhere and can work through anyone.  What a naïve thought process.  It is not my job to worry about anyone else believing it.  There heart isn’t for me to change.  God didn’t ask me to save them or change them.  He asked me to sacrifice my life for Him to use.  That I can do. 

God is going to heal me.  I am not afraid to claim that.  Whether you believe it, pray along side me, or write it off, God will do it.  

How Would Your Life Change If Fear Wasn’t An Option?

We were not created to live in fear.  In my life there are two things that I do not have a choice to be afraid of.  Needles and Blood.  Two common fears.  I began to wonder what my life would look like if I didn’t have the choice to live in fear of anything.  I know that I have nothing to fear, but lets face it, I am 100% human and scared of so many things.  I know that God is in control; I know that He will protect me, but I am still afraid of the unavoidable pain that comes along with following Him.  It isn’t that I won’t live through it, it’s that I would just like to bypass some of it. 

I learned a long time ago that worrying never helps the situation and is never worth it, yet so often I am blinded of the fear that I live in.  Fear of the little things.  I spend so much time in the extremes.  Either I feel completely defeated or I am living recklessly trying to experience everything I can in life before time runs out.  I worry about the same things as everyone else, security, school, my future, rejection, and most of all letting those closest to me down.  As much as my faith is in God, I am afraid of the misled faith people might have in me. 

I know in my heart that God is not withholding anything good from me and that I cannot fail in what He has asked me to do, so why do I stress and fear failure?  The desire of my heart is to be right where God wants me and if I truly feel that way then why do I question if I will succeed? 

I cannot fail at what God has asked me to do so I will no longer live in fear of falling short.  Be encouraged for the same is true for you!