How Would Your Life Change If Fear Wasn’t An Option?

We were not created to live in fear.  In my life there are two things that I do not have a choice to be afraid of.  Needles and Blood.  Two common fears.  I began to wonder what my life would look like if I didn’t have the choice to live in fear of anything.  I know that I have nothing to fear, but lets face it, I am 100% human and scared of so many things.  I know that God is in control; I know that He will protect me, but I am still afraid of the unavoidable pain that comes along with following Him.  It isn’t that I won’t live through it, it’s that I would just like to bypass some of it. 

I learned a long time ago that worrying never helps the situation and is never worth it, yet so often I am blinded of the fear that I live in.  Fear of the little things.  I spend so much time in the extremes.  Either I feel completely defeated or I am living recklessly trying to experience everything I can in life before time runs out.  I worry about the same things as everyone else, security, school, my future, rejection, and most of all letting those closest to me down.  As much as my faith is in God, I am afraid of the misled faith people might have in me. 

I know in my heart that God is not withholding anything good from me and that I cannot fail in what He has asked me to do, so why do I stress and fear failure?  The desire of my heart is to be right where God wants me and if I truly feel that way then why do I question if I will succeed? 

I cannot fail at what God has asked me to do so I will no longer live in fear of falling short.  Be encouraged for the same is true for you!

You Know You Have CF When

So some of you may remember this from a year or so ago... I thought it was appropriate to post here.  I did not write this, but I have to say whoever did summed it up very well.  Enjoy!

You know you have CF when: 
1. You do a happy dance when you hack up a huge wad of mucus, show your dad and he gives you a congratulatory high five! 
2. You know more medical terms by the age of ten than most people know their whole lives 
3. You have your pharmacist, family doctor, CF doctor, the emergency room that you always use or your medical insurance company as numbers 1- 10 on your cell phone's speed dial 
4. You have multiple scars from PICC lines, IV's,Ports, and other 'experimentations' as the doctors like to call them 
5. You are so used to getting blood drawn that you are the proverbial 'test dummy' for all the new nurse fresh out of college—"you don't mind do ya?!" 
6. You have antibacterial gel in your purse, in your car, on the kitchen counter, in the bathroom, in your friend's dorm, their car—heck everywhere!
7. You can smell smoke hundreds of feet away and go searching for the source so you can thump them upside their retarded heads!!!! 
8. You quite adamantly think that smokers are THE dumbest people you know—I always love it when they walk up a flight of stairs huffing and then say they NEED a cigarette! WHAT?! 
9. You laugh at those who whine & complain from a common cold or worse yet stay home because of it! 
10. You are truly sad for those cute little lab mice who must suffer from experimentations so we can have medicines to help us live—for about 1 second than you jump for glee because they came up with something to help you breathe! 
11. You can instruct the nurses how to work the IV machine at the hospital 
12. Some of the most memorable times with your friends/family is hanging out and wasting time at the hospital 
13. You make people wince because of the sound of your cough 
14. The checkout lady at Wal-Mart has confidently told you that she just got over what ever I have and Theraflu worked for her, which you calmly and sarcastically say—I will make sure to tell my doctors. 
15. You can sleep through anything—you perfected the skill by being shaken by your vest all of these years 
16. You are a multi-tasker by need. While doing you're vest you MUST eat breakfast, do your nebulizers, homework, make-up, straighten your hair and have a conversation with your mother about your most current ache in your chest all at once or it would never get done.(haha maybe not all this at once but u get the point) 
17. You learn by the age of 13 that life is a gift and most people don't see it's pretty paper! 
18. You have used your vest multiple times as a torment device for your dog by blowing air at him and watching him try to catch it in his mouth, entertainment device for the kids because a shaking vest is a fun 'toy' and a laughing tool for the adults when you try to talk to keep up with the conversation, even on the maximum setting. 
19. Many adults have commented to you that you are very wise for your age—yippee! 
20. You really did have a midlife crisis at the age of 18—what the heck do I do now? I wasn't suppose to live this long! 
21. If Albuterol and Xopenex were living things you would marry them because according to you they were sent from heaven by God to us CFers for a little help in the breathing department—I heart Albuterol! 
22. You laugh at your friends and their newest drama—hah! Don't we all wish it was THAT easy! 
23. You get truly irritated at people who don't put yes as organ donors on their driver's license—what the heck are you going to do with them when you're dead, huh?! (haha:]) 
24. You make peace with God at an early age. 
25. You feel as if there is ALWAYS someone worse off than you somewhere 
26. You are constantly on the go, realizing that time stands still for no one. 
27. You grew up thinking that everyone in your class does machines, nebulizers, inhalers, sprays and pills for an hour or two each morning before they came to school and an hour or two after. 
28. You are more scared of losing your loved ones, family and friends then you are of dying yourself. 
29. You realize at an extremely young age that you can buy everything but time and as a CFer that is the one thing you would love to have! 
30. You have also learned who your real friends are because most people can't take the pressure of being around a person who has CF 
31. You truly feel that God gave you this for a reason and, dang it, you're going to make Him proud!

Who said that when you turn 18 life can’t be bliss?

Today I snuck into the pediatric unit at Doernbecher.  It brought back a lot of memories of my childhood, but it was like seeing it through new eyes.  I was walking the halls and I felt like I was suddenly in the shoes of my mom.  Looking around the walls are full of art and hope.  Bulletin boards and pamphlets line every nook.  How to prepare your child for surgery, how to cope, how to …  I walked into the play room and my first thought was why do we not have these at OHSU?  I am proud to say that I stole a picture of Ariel to color and I just finished the beautiful work of art.  When did we become too old to color?  Too old to create?  Too old to hope? 

There was a display of wishes written on stars and I wondered when we became to old to make a wish?  On another wall there was a collection of PostSecrets written by kids with CF.  Reading these  I was amazed at how inspiring and encouraging and uplifting the words of these children were.  Somewhere between the line of pediatrics and adult care the voice of hope was stolen.  Instead of hope we were told to accept the brutality of life.  Now I realize that most people in there 20’s don’t spend time in the hospital.  They don’t get sick in such severe ways.  At 20 we are all invincible.  But Hope doesn’t have an age limit.  If you are 7 or 70 hope is an option.  You are an inspiration.  Live it, breathe it, and don’t let the world tell you any different. 

In case you forgot, it is okay to color outside the lines

Everybody Else is Doing It

As someone who loves to write as much as she loves to talk I began questioning why I have not started a blog.  Perhaps because I wasn't sure I knew what to say or maybe it was that daunting thought of all my thoughts being out there for others to read?  Yes, I think it was the latter.  For all of you that pray for me I thought this would be a great way to update you on how God is working in my life!  Thank you for all of your prayers and support over the years and especially these past few weeks.  I cannot explain the difference that it has made, but it has been all the difference in the world.  I have always wanted to write down the story of my life, but the truth is I don't always remember that much so this blog is as much for you as it is for me.  I hope that this blog is an encouragement to you and an example of what an amazing God we have!